[dropcap custom_class=”whbr”]I have always worked, I love it, so when I became a mum at 28, it was a big change. I was also the breadwinner in the family, so I had to get back to work asap, fortunately (or unfortunately) I was running my own business. [/dropcap]
I managed to drag my son around to meetings and shoots but then employed a nanny when I couldn’t. I work in Advertising and video production and it’s long hours, so it was a big juggle. When I say to other mothers we give birth to guilt, I’m definitely not joking.
Most mothers I speak to feel guilty even if they don’t work, we just naturally feel that we’re not doing something right, so add working and it’s a whole new level of guilt!
I also have done a lot of personal development with study and tried everything in order to live a balanced life as a working mum and this is what I found worked for me.
Remember children know EXACTLY how you are feeling, so if you feel guilty and you feel like you’re a bad mother, then they will think that too – they are mirrors of YOU!
When you are with them BE with them. Quality time is the most important thing, construct your time that you get a portion with them.
Try and get FAMILY to look after your little ones if you can.
Keep LISTENING to your kids, if they are not happy about something, school, their nanny, afterschool care then listen. Investigate, perhaps try something else, but most of all LISTEN to them! The act of listening is just as powerful and most of the time they are reflecting back your discord, perhaps you are not happy at work and perhaps you don’t like your boss or the company you work for. Sometimes it takes our kids to show us.
BULLYING – during my time as a parent my child was being bullied at high school and it was the most horrible time. I have to say the school was fantastic, they split the group that was bullying up and then addressed them on different issues so they never knew it was from my son. However, why did it start in the first instant?
[dropcap custom_class=”bl”]MY view is that sometimes it can be that the child is feeling victimized at home. I had been through a divorce and felt incredibly guilty about being a bad mother (working and divorced) and that my son was a victim of my actions, therefore on some level he played that victimization out at school. I believe that because when I realized it could be that, acknowledged in my own mind, then things got better. That’s my personal take on what happened and perhaps that may resonate for you.[/dropcap]
Times have changed so much and most people have to work, I do believe our children suffer from parents not being around BUT the suffering is most of the time from our own suffering. In today’s age with such instant gratification, we can’t bear our kids to suffer, so we make the problems worse.
I’ve learned to love my son from a healthy distance with all my heart, giving him what he needs without overcompensating for my own insecurities as much as I could.
We have to remember that there is NO getting it right. As a mother of a 23-year-old man (still my little boy hah) I always have that feeling that I got something wrong and now rather than beating myself up, I acknowledge I did the best I can do for where I was at the time. I remain conscious of my own responses and work with myself always to heal the people around me.
[pullquote align=”right” style=”style4″ width=”381″ size=”14″ line_height=”18″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#222222″][blockquote custom_class=”” txt_color=”#222222″ size=”25″ line_height=”32″]I believe our children pick us on some spiritual level, they come into this world to learn something, we all do, so we have to trust that – even at the hardest of times.[/blockquote][/pullquote]
If my character doesn’t feel inspired or hopeful about all things in her life, then she could fail, she could be seen as someone who doesn’t really know how to find self-love and happiness – yes there is a lot at stake for her. But guess what, she’s not perfect and thank god for that.
That is MY story, my journey and my plot to write and work with. all my learnings and my tribulations are part of who I am and what makes me, me.
What we ultimately want to do in our life is usually what we most need to learn and yes finding self-love and happiness has been my journey because I needed to find it the most. Has it made me an expert at knowing ‘how’ to find it – absolutely! And I help others discover themselves and their passions like I had to do – my journey has been my gift.
A great way to start to understand yourself and your goals are to look at yourself as a character in YOUR film or book. You can watch and discover yourself without all the ‘heady’ judgments and self-critique. It’s a wonderful way to start caring about your lead characters and the supporting roles, yes start caring about you.
If you want some help with Tools for Self Love – just check them out on my site.